


I choose to cut my losses

by YunaDragneel



Series: Remember me as I was not as I am [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 13:28:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5249843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YunaDragneel/pseuds/YunaDragneel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim was trying to understand the cat. Trying to know why he seemed so familiar. But yet he never expected him to be the person he missed the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I choose to cut my losses

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TimmyJaybird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimmyJaybird/gifts).



> After talking with Madni I had the sudden idea for this fic and oh man. This is what happens if someone feeds me the best "oh god no" reactions. Have fun reading.

In Gotham rumors spread quite quickly for a big city. Word was a cat was in town. A ferocious territorial cat. Batman didn’t even understand what the hell that was supposed to mean. Selina wasn’t territorial. In fact, she wasn’t frequenting Gotham as of late, so he was positive it couldn’t be her. And he didn’t know anyone else who fit the criteria ‘cat’.

“B, you’re thinking too hard,” Tim muttered from behind him as he watched the video feed of a figure running around beating – no, slashing – other small thugs up. Bruce had been watching the same thing over and over again in hopes of finding some clues as to who they were.

“Tim, shouldn’t you be out on patrol still?” Bruce asked, turning around, still in full costume and Tim sighed.

“It’s five in the morning for your information. You should sleep,” Tim replied. The older man winced and looked at the digits on the lower right on the batcomputer. And it was true. “Call it a night, I’ll look for that person tomorrow again. Bruce, you should too. Don’t hide away so much.” He turned around and went up the stairs, back to the manor. Bruce sighed and turned back to the computer. To hell with it.

 *

The next night Tim was out as Red Robin again, searching for whoever was this mysterious cat by invading the self-proclaimed territory. He was vaguely aware that Jason had been doing the same thing, invading the territory, skimming through to see if there was anything unusual. And yet none of them had found anything remarkable. Tim sighed, continuing on his way through the territory, looking out for anything. He passed different muggings which he stopped but nothing else. So he turned around, ready to get back since half of the night had progressed when he felt something tear at his cape.

In a matter of mere seconds Tim turned around, seeing a person clad in dark Kevlar and spandex, the same as every other Gotham vigilante. He studied them closer. The person in front of him was rather tall. Nowhere near Jason’s height, but the same as Dick. Lean, muscular. Their face was obscured by a hood that sported pointy cat ears and a domino mask, the hood itself was connected to a scarf which hid the lower part of the person’s face as they hissed at him, the ends of it falling over the shoulders, down his back. The scarf looked tattered, worn, but it certainly gave the male a street cat look.

Scanning over their body further, Tim’s gaze fell to the male’s hands. They were reinforced gloves with iron claws. Or at least something strong enough to tear his cape. On the back the male carried a katana and Tim felt a bad feeling well up.

“Who are you?” The Red Robin asked, when the other didn’t make a move and simply stared. Though an answer never came. Instead the person before him just let out low growl.

“Leave.” The voice sounded vaguely familiar, but Tim couldn’t place it. “I will kill you if you stay, pretty bird.” As to emphasize his point, he lifted his hand, the claws still fresh with blood. And Tim really felt as if it was the best to leave.

“I will be back to know who you are.” It was a threat. But the cat just turned away and leapt over the roofs with so much grace, that Tim wasn’t even sure how he could do this. He might just be as graceful as Dick. Shaking his head, Tim turned and got out of the cat’s territory.

 

Tim walked through the manor, passing different rooms, even his own until he stopped in front of a door. It was kept shut most of the time, for reasons obvious to the people knowing what it was about. With a sigh Tim entered the room, it still smelled like _him_ , even if _he_ had been gone for three years now. Gone wasn’t the right word. Dead was more appropriate. Killed even better. And they all had never gotten closure over it. After nights like these Tim needed the peace and quiet. The time to think about what to do next, what happened. It still felt like he was here. Like he was still in the manor and any moment he would pounce him and be the angry petulant teenager he was. But Tim knew that wasn’t the case. And it brought him to tears.

It was some sort of ritual for Tim. He came into the room, cried, let his depression run free, then go back to his room and sleep. There was so much to think, so much to cry about. The way he had never been able to be a real brother, to be someone who cared about him. Instead there had been too much hate. Tim sat down on the bed, grabbed the sketchbook and looked through it. He knew all the drawings already. But he still wondered why he had never taken a moment to look at them closer.

“God, Damian… why didn’t you ever tell me that you just wanted to be accepted,” Tim muttered, tears brimming in the corners of his eyes. He had asked this question too many times, too often. And too less whilst Damian was alive. “I… I didn’t ever ask. I only assumed. And I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Damian.” His voice cracked and he let his tears run free as he clutched at the sketchbook, curling up on the bed. No one ever dared to come into this room anymore after the first few months after his death. Alfred still came and went to clean. But Dick was trying to keep himself too busy. Jason wouldn’t visit. And Bruce… Bruce stopped living. He was down in the cave, searching relentlessly, still hoping for this to be some sort of joke. A cruel, evil joke. But it wasn’t and he couldn’t face it.

Hours passed, Tim kept on clinging to the memories of Damian, and the few fond moments they had shared. Once the tears had dried, he let go of the sketchbook, left it on the bed once again before getting up and moving to the door. One more look into the room and then he went back to his own room to fall asleep there.

 *

He went out as Red Robin come nightfall. He needed to find the cat. There was something vaguely familiar about him and Tim wanted to know what it was. So he treaded into the territory again, this time immediately greeted by the cat.

“I told you to leave,” he started, flexing his fingers, “Why did you come back here, pretty bird?” His face was still obscured by the hood and scarf and the domino mask. Tim couldn’t identify him.

“I don’t get you,” Tim bit his lip, “You told me you would kill me if I came back.”

“I will, pretty bird. But not tonight. I do have better things to do in my territory,” he replied, swaying his hips a little, “I advise you to leave.” He stepped closer, cutting Tim’s cheek with his claws a little. “Or else there will be nothing left but pieces.”

Tim didn’t want to back away, the cat was invading his personal space and he knew it. But he couldn’t back away and show weakness. “I won’t leave, cat.” The taller man almost purred at that.

“Pretty bird, you will regret this sooner or later,” he drawled, “Do not think for one moment I will spare you.”

“Your territory is on my patrol route, I have no choice but coming here.” Tim squared his shoulders, glaring at the taller man. With a quick move Tim wanted to brush off the hood, but the cat caught his arm, digging the claws deep into his arm and the smaller man hissed in pain.

“You are not fast enough, pretty bird.” The man chuckled and it sounded so familiar but Tim still couldn’t place it. Then he found himself backed up against a wall with the cat looming over him. He could barely see under the hood and could notice that the cat had dark, short hair. “Cat got your tongue?” The playful voice was infuriating and Tim just grit his teeth. He didn’t like this encounter one bit.

“Let go.” With a quick movement, Tim reversed the position so he had the cat backed against the wall. The cat let go of his arm and licked the blood off his claws. Tim could see the copper skin around the male’s mouth as his tongue ran over the pointy tips of his claws.

“A pretty bird with pretty blood,” the cat purred, “Do you want anything else aside from talking to me? I have many services to provide.” He licked his lips and smirked, the high and mighty attitude of him making Tim’s blood boil. He wanted to say something when the communicator in his ear beeped, so he pressed it.

“Red Robin come to the intersection at the fifth and 82nd,” he heard Oracle’s voice, “Bane’s on the loose there. I’ve dispatched Red Hood already, but he will take a while until he gets there. You’re the closest.”

“Acknowledged, I’ll head over there.” He backed away, the cat carefully watching him. “What about B?” Behind him the cat stretched, still keeping his eyes fixed on the Red Robin.

“Not out. He’s still in the cave.” Tim bit his lip at that. They needed Batman to go against Bane. The line dropped and Tim deflated a little. The intersection wasn’t very far, he could make it, but the cat would get away. Without a word, Tim leapt over to the next roof, coming to terms with the thought of the cat disappearing again, but when he heard the thumping of boots behind him, he turned to see the male following.

“What do you want you fleabag?” Tim growled, he didn’t have time to meddle with the cat.

“I merely need a bit of a distraction and your job proves to be something entertaining,” he replied, “So humor me.” He crossed his arms and tapped his foot. And Tim found himself sighing.

“Yeah, I guess help would be appreciated,” Tim muttered, “Intersection at the fifth and 82nd. Bane is on the loose. We got to get him back to Arkham, at least… I have to.” Without awaiting an answer Tim continued on his way swinging through the streets, the cat doing the same, always following behind him.

 

The intersection was a mess, crashed cars, people squished beneath them. There was mayhem everywhere and Bane wasn’t done yet. Tim dropped down, followed by the cat.

“Where is the bat?!” Bane growled at them.

“Sorry, B’s not available, but I’m sure he won’t be needed now,” Tim replied, readying his bō-staff. The cat drew his katana, it looked so familiar. The stance, the sword itself. They all gave him a feeling akin to remembrance.

“Then I will break your bones,” Bane rumbled and charged them. Tim jumped out of the way, getting behind him swiftly. The cat ducked away last minute, cutting Bane’s side. The big guy howled in pain, but turned around knocking the cat back into a wall. Tim jumped at him, ripping one of the tubes of Venom from his neck. The less power he had, the better it was. Bane managed to land a good punch on Tim, sending him crashing into the wall with audible cracks of his ribs. He was wheezing and barely able to breathe. The big villain stalked over to him, grabbing him by his neck and lifting him up. Tim gasped for air, coughing up blood.

The Cat felt a stinging in the back of his head as he tried to focus on the scene before him. The pretty bird was in danger. That… Bane, was trying to kill him. Leaping to his feet, the cat held the sword tightly, rushing forward and cutting all the tubes of venom that were left. Then he jumped, using Bane’s head as leverage to jump onto his arm and claw at his wrist until he managed to free Tim. Before he could fall though, the cat grabbed him and pulled him close, jumping off Bane and creating a bit of distance between them, so the big bad guy couldn’t catch up yet. Subconsciously Tim had been clinging onto the cat and let go when he came to a stop. Gently the cat lowered him onto the ground, and Tim winced when his broken ribs shifted.

“You can leave now,” Tim rasped, barely able to look up at the hooded figure.

“You sure are an imbecile if you think I would leave you here to die,” he growled, the wording all too familiar. It reminded him of Damian. So much. Tim let out a broken laugh. It hurt. Not because of his ribs, more like he felt his heart crushing over and over again. “What is so funny, pretty bird?”

“The high and mighty wording… you remind me of someone,” Tim whispered, looking away, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. The cat just stood there, watching him for a moment before a gunshot echoed through the streets and he howled in pain. Tim’s eyes widened as he saw Jason storming towards them, guns drawn. “Cat get out of here!” Without thinking twice, he ran away and left Tim there.

“Babybird!” Jason called and slid to a stop beside him. “Hey, babybird you alright? He didn’t do anything to you did he?” Tim shook his head.

“He _helped me_ Jason. Without him I would be dead all thanks to Bane,” the Red Robin replied, a slight hint of anger in his voice. He had managed to get closer to the Cat and now it was all ruined thanks to Jason shooting at the guy.

“Who is the guy anyways?” Tim shrugged at that. He didn’t know but he was familiar. So familiar and he hated not knowing who he was.

“I was about to find out,” he muttered, “And you drove him away.”

“Well, excuse me for thinking you were in danger and wanting to save your ass.” Jason growled a little, but Tim just sighed.

“It’s fine. Thanks for saving me. Can we get back to the cave now? My ribs might be literally killing me.” Tim bit his lip. And pressed a button on his utility belt to call the batmobile. Bruce wasn’t using it anyways, so why not claim it for a while?

 

Tim was sitting in front of the batcomputer, Bruce wasn’t in cave because Alfred got him back up in the manor. The Red Robin was watching the feed from his lenses, trying to find clues to who the guy was. He tried running different software to identify different parts of his armor and weaponry. The claws were made from a very durable metal and one of a kind, the sword was old but a masterwork. Something like Damian had used way back when. In fact it looked a lot like the katana he had. But that disappeared when he died. Tim looked towards the glass case beside the one Jason’s old suit was in. There was a perfect replica of Damian’s uniform. The real thing was lost with Damian’s body. Tim sighed and looked back to the screen. Why had the cat never taken off his hood?

“Master Timothy, why are you up?” Tim flinched at the voice. Alfred seemed a bit mad. “I ordered you to rest, as to not aggravate your injuries further.” Tim turned to him with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry Alfred. I’m… still a bit occupied with my main case. The cat you know,” he explained, looking at his lap, “There is something vaguely familiar about him, but I can’t place it. I need to find out why.”

“Yes I understand, but your ribs will not. So I advise you to go to your room and rest.” The younger man looked defeated and nodded at that.

“Okay…” He closed the files and shut down the computer, slowly getting up and walking towards Alfred. The butler smiled softly and rubbed his back.

“You can tell me what bothers you about the cat,” he offered as he walked towards the elevator with him. Tim deflated even more.

“He’s… weird. I’m not sure what to think about him, in all honesty? He reminds me of Damian.” Alfred froze a little, but Tim barely noticed it. “The way he talks, his fighting style… I’m not sure what to think now.” Tim’s shoulders shook and Alfred rubbed his back. “It’s so familiar I can’t place it. And it hurts that he reminds me of Damian.” Tears rolled down his cheeks as he let out a miserable sob.

“Oh master Timothy.” Alfred hugged him, running his hand through his hair. “It’s been three years since Master Damian died, you have to let go. Master Bruce is suffering still, but we cannot let you suffer from it too. Master Dick is in Blüdhaven, coping with everything. The city only has you, Red Hood, Batgirl and Black Bat.” He paused for a moment. “Let go for Master Damian’s sake. Don’t hold onto his ghost.” Tim just nodded, unable to say something.

 *

Two weeks passed until Tim was out and about again. The first thing he did was go to the cat’s territory. Oracle would inform him if anything happened, so there was no harm in looking for the cat once again. Red Robin skimmed through the territory, not finding the cat at all. With a sigh he was about to turn away when the light of an apartment caught his eyes. Standing at the window was a man getting a blowjob from a figure kneeling on the ground. Nothing unusual, but the light reflecting off the nails and the whole black fabric the kneeling figure was wearing bore a distinct resemblance to what the cat was wearing. Tim took his binoculars and looked closer. This couldn’t be the cat. There was no way. It shouldn’t bother him as much as it did, the cat could do what he wanted. The man stilled his thrusts and apparently came down the cat’s throat and Tim really felt as if he was a goddamn voyeur. Maybe he was a bit. Suddenly the man dropped, his throat was slit and he was choking on his blood. The cat licked the blood from his lips and grinned. Tim flinched away. This was dangerous. Quickly he packed away his binoculars and swung away from the building. He’d just witnessed a murder. A cold blooded murder and by means it wasn’t unusual, but the cat… Shaking his head he continued on his way and when he was a good distance away, he stopped to catch his breath and sort his thoughts. He was sure the cat hadn’t followed him, why would he? He didn’t even see him on that other roof.

“You can run quite fast, pretty bird,” a familiar voice whispered into his ear and arms snaked around his waist, “But you cannot flee from the cat.” He purred, knowing that the invasion of privacy isn’t welcome at all.

“Why did you kill that guy?” Tim asked, he was thinking up a plan of how to free himself from the cat’s grasp.

“He was my target,” he purred into his ear, “That is what I do. Get them to like me, let them think I have some sort of sentiment for them, maybe even have sex with them and then… _kill them_.” Tim shivered, the cat removing his arms from his waist and taking a step back.

“Then allow me a question. Am I a target?” He asked turning towards the cat and glaring.

“Of course not. You are merely a… side project.” Tim exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “One of my favorite toys.” His claws caressed Tim’s cheek, grazing a few cuts into the skin with a smirk. “I am quite pleased to see that you are better.” His hands traveled over Tim’s rips, almost tenderly. “Though you should take it easy, pretty bird. Or else you might hurt yourself further.” Deciding that two can play this game, Tim ventured into the cat’s personal space, running his hands over his upper body.

“I see. Maybe I will indulge you. Might even be more than a _toy_ to you.” The cat stiffened for a moment, not having expected someone to use advances towards him. But he quickly picked up on his motives and smirked.

“My hood stays up, pretty bird.” He leaned closer and Tim could barely see distinct features aside from the copper skin. He hid his face too well and it was bothering the Red Robin.

“Why?” Tim’s hands settled on the cat’s shoulders, trying to read through the lenses, but it didn’t work either.

“Because revealing who I am on a roof is quite dangerous.” His lips were mere inches away from Tim’s. “And that is a thing for another date.” Then he closed the gap, kissing him with a softness Tim didn’t know he could muster and he found himself kissing back. Their lips moved in synch, which would have been disturbing to Tim, if he had been thinking clearly about it. After a few moments they parted again and the cat chuckled. “In addition I would want to know who you are, pretty bird. So should I reveal who I am, then I expect you to do the same, without me having to rip that domino mask or your clothes off of you. Pick whatever you want.” He pecked his lips again and moved back from the slightly surprised Tim. “I recall you have a city to protect, and I have another business to tend to.”

“I guess I’ll see you around then?” Tim wanted to facepalm, he made it sound like a question and he felt stupid for that.

“Of course, pretty bird.” And the cat leapt to the next roof and out of his sight. Tim sunk to the ground and hid his face in his hands, shame creeping up his spine. Had Bruce ever felt like this when he was with Catwoman? Tim shook his head, banning the picture from his head. He didn’t need to think about that.

“Huh. I see there will always be an attraction between bats and cats it seems.” The sunken Robin flinched at the voice. Jason. Who else could it be? “Man babybird, he’s got you on his fingertips ya know?”

“It’s embarrassing. Stop talking, Hood,” Tim grumbled.

“I don’t know how it seemed to you, but he’s got you completely infatuated with him. Tell me, how did he manage?” Jason crouched down beside Tim, grinning. “Because I need to know that secret.”

“Hood, what the fuck?” Tim glared at the man beside him. The older of the two chuckled and ruffled Tim’s hair.

“Just stay as you are, babybird. It’s working.” Playfully Tim punched him and then got up.

“C’mon we have a city to protect.”

 

Tim was down in the cave again watching the video feed of his lenses, objectively searching for the time he encountered the cat. Maybe the facial recognition software was able to discern something after seeing the close up. But no matter what, it didn’t work. It was always the same error message and Tim got slightly aggravated.

“Why doesn’t it ever work?” Tim growled and rubbed his hands over his face. Slowly he was getting desperate with the situation.

“Are you still on the case with the cat?” A voice echoed from the top of the stairs. Tim turned and saw Bruce standing there. The old man looked worn and tired, but he still made his way towards Tim.

“Yes. I have no idea who he is and he hides his face too well.” The young man put his head in his hands. “It’s frustrating.”

“Take a break, Tim.”

“No Bruce. I can’t take a break now.” He might have sounded like a child disagreeing, but Tim couldn’t care less. “I need to know who he is!”

“Why?” Tin paused for a moment, silence spreading.

“Because he seems so familiar.” It was barely a whisper. “He talks and acts like Damian─”

“Damian is dead, Tim.”

“What if he isn’t?”

“He is dead.” Bruce’s voice was monotone.

“How do you even know that for sure!?” His voice echoed through the cave, the bats on the ceiling rustling from the disturbance.

“Three years, Tim. He would have come back if he had healed and lived.”

"But-"

“No. Don’t you dare go the─”

“Bruce, what if?” Without any further words, Bruce turned and walked back to the manor, leaving Tim in the cave alone. The young man curled in on himself, shaking, unable to calm down. He hated it. The way he still clung to the thoughts of Damian being alive. The thought of Damian being the cat.

 *

Later that week a lead took him to Gotham bay. Some drug dealers were pulling off some shipping of weapons among other drugs. Jason was somewhere else with the Outlaws and Cass was in Hong Kong for other business. Steph was nowhere to be found, and Bruce hadn’t even talked to Tim at all, so it was all on him. Plus he couldn’t ask the cat for help. He didn’t want to see the guy.

Quickly he looked around the docks, scanning containers and looking for the one with the shipment. Looking through the crates, Tim found the weapons and the drugs. Good, now he just had to find and arrest the thugs. Or so he thought. After a sudden hit to the back of his head, Tim went down, his sight blurry. Shit. Going in alone had never been a good idea and he realized that now as the container closed and moved. Tim’s thoughts were racing, trying to find a way out but he couldn’t think right. A shock went through the container and it was then he realized that the container was thrown into the water.

“O!” He yelled as he pressed the communicator. “Shit, Oracle!” There was static but nothing more. Tim looked through the crates, all the goddamn weapons were fakes and the drugs were just… sugar. He was fooled. He was completely and utterly fooled by this trap. Now he had to pay with his life. Steadily the ice cold water from the bay seeped through, sinking the container further. Tim shivered. He wanted to cry. It was so frustrating. “I’m so fucking stupid. Bruce I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” He sunk to the ground, water already reaching to his waist. Opening the container from within was impossible even with all the now soaked gadgets. The freezing water wasn’t making it easier to breathe or stay awake and he sat there, water rising, making his uniform cling to him and drag him down. It was heavy just like his guilt. “Jason I’m sorry, I wish I had called.” Muttering quiet apologies was the only form of comfort he could give himself. “Steph, shit… we didn’t talk much lately and I wish we had. Kinda miss my best friend now.” The water reached his chin and Tim didn’t have the strength to get up or do anything against it. Giving up was the only thing left. He would die here, and no one would come to save him. A miserable sob escaped him as he curled in on himself. Shivers ran through his body as he gasped for air before being submerged in the water which was now rapidly rising. He could hold his breath for minutes, but not long enough.

Minutes passed. This was the end for him. He closed his eyes, waiting, reflexively gasping for air and only getting water into his lungs. It burned, it hurt but there was nothing he could do. Though he felt someone grab him around his waist, pulling him closer and dragging him along through the murky water. Tim managed to open his eyes, looking up at the person dragging him. His first thought was Dick, but he knew the man wasn’t in Gotham. From what he could see, the person had darker skin than Dick, and then there was─ the scarf. The hood had been pushed off by the water revealing short, black hair. If Tim concentrated enough, he could see an older Damian in that person. But the thought was short-lived as the unconsciousness dragged him in. And he closed his eyes again.

The next moments were all unknown and unclear to him. There was concrete beneath him and air was forced into his lungs. Soft lips on his, breathing into him. He realized that the person was performing CPR on him. The water in his lungs made its way through his air canal and he turned his head, coughing the water and convulsing painfully as he hacked all the remaining water from his lungs. Clawed hands caressed his cheek, stroked his hair softly.

“Pretty bird. You scared me for a moment.” The voice shook and Tim forced himself to look up. The hood was hanging listless over his shoulders so he could see his face clearly. He was young. Maybe just barely 18 or 19 years old. He had dark skin and short black hair. Only his eyes were obscured by the domino mask, but there was clear worry on his face. Tim trembled. He wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or the realization that this is Damian. He reached out, his fingers touching Damian’s cheek.

“Damian…” The cat’s eyes widened behind the domino mask, leaning down, closer to Tim.

“Do you know me?” He asked. “Pretty bird, I need an answer.” Tears welled up in Tim’s eyes, his hands trembling.

“It’s you.” His voice broke. “We thought you were dead.” The Red Robin sobbed, couldn’t stop shaking. With ease Damian pulled him into his arms and protectively held him. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were alive.”

“I do not understand,” Damian whispered. “I do not remember you, pretty bird. I do not remember this city or who I was supposed to be. Though I do know that I am not the person who I was.” Tim clung onto him, openly crying. He had missed Damian. He had missed him so much. The younger man nuzzled Tim’s hair, closing his eyes for a moment. A foreign feeling welled up. Something akin to affection. Similar to hurt and sadness.

“I’m so sorry,” Tim cried, “I failed you.”

“No. Pretty bird, I am certain you have never failed me.” Damian stood up with Tim still in his arms. Even with a soaked uniform, Tim was still a lightweight to him. Quickly scanning the area to see if anyone was there, he left. Left the bloody mess of bodies and cut off limbs behind. He had gone on quite a rampage, but… his pretty bird had been in danger. Nothing stopped him from saving the pretty bird and now that he had him in his arms, he could take him to his safe house.


End file.
